This week was one of the categories terrible, horrible, no good and very bad.* Catastrophes ranged from freak rainstorms, to bad grades, to electronic malfunctions. I’m pretty sure there were other thing that could have gone wrong (apartment burning down, psychotic break, invasion by gigantic mutant insects), but as weeks go, this one was pretty high on the Not Good list.

Yesterday was Thursday, and Thursdays tend to be the big barrier between the week and the weekend. Thursdays are always the days with the most homework due, the hardest labs to prepare for, and often some extra activity that cuts down on the time available to accomplish all of these tasks. Every Thursday I trudge home feeling as though I’ve been at war; accomplished and weary.

This particular Thursday I decided to enjoy my nightly “you’re done with homework” glass on wine on the porch while calling a friend. And since I little else to talk about these days, I related that my week had been…less than uplifting.

“Still thinking this is something you want to do?” he asked, just as a matter of course.

I answered the question automatically. “I still want to be a doctor,” I said. “Probably not a chemist though.”

After the conversation, however, I realized that though my answer was thoughtless, the sentiment behind it was absolute truth.

Before starting this program I second guessed myself at least twice a day. Did I really think I could handle a post bac? Medical school? Could I truly become a decent physician? I wanted the answer to be yes, but what if I was just fooling myself?

There was something comforting about not having to think about the answer to that question anymore. Amid the mad scramble to learn kinetics and equilibrium, I haven’t had time to second guess myself. But even now, when I stop and think about everything this week has put me through, there is no part of me that even kind of wants to stop. (Well, maybe pause for a minute, but I don’t think I get a choice in the matter.)

But all in all I think this is a good note on which to end a long and hard week. Here’s to the next one!

*Ten points to anyone who gets the reference.

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